i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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