all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
