we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
