The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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