"it" just moved
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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