Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
