omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
