I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
