sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
