she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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