Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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