phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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