sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry about my life...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
