Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
porn star boner night. come get it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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