Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
