I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Randomize
