highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's like iHOP with fire
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
