Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
