I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
