ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
