Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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