My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
