my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
