Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
