she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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