my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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