Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
