well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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