Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
