My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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