She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
