You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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