Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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