I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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