you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
