I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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