Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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