yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
We named our party play list daddy issues
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
