Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
