I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
