I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
