I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
