at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
