your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
