What a fucking waste of an outfit
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
