Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
