The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
