Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
