Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
