You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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