i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
