corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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