Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
